A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to hear Bonnie St. John speak at a work conference. Like most things these days, her presentation was virtual, but it was still inspiring.
If you’re not familiar with St. John, she has impressive credentials. After needing to have her right leg amputated at the age of five, she went on to be the first African American to win medals in the Winter Olympics (1984 Winter Paralympics). She’s worked at the White House, has won numerous awards, has done a TED Talk, and much more.
These days, she does a lot of work in what she calls micro-resilience. We hear a lot about resilience, of course, but her take on it is that we need to look at very small things we can do to recover from challenges and mistakes. Based on her talk, here are three ways to help that recovery.
1: Get up faster
When you make a mistake or life hands you a challenge, it usually knocks you off your feet, and if you want to recover, you need to get back up. Sometimes that’s metaphorical, but other times it’s literal, as in St. John’s situation.
She’s a downhill skier, and she talked about how during her second run down at the Paralympics, she – like all the other skiers – hit an icy patch and fell. She still needed to complete the run if she wanted to place, so she got back up and continued. She didn’t win, but she did get a medal.
When she later looked at the scores, she realized that the woman who’d won gold didn’t win because she avoided falling. She won because she got up faster.
That point struck me because it’s not what we usually hear.
Most often, we hear about trying to avoid mistakes. Or if you make one, you may think you need a while to get your bearings before you can get going again.
But waiting too long can be a crucial and costly mistake. After all, if St. John had waited longer to get up, she likely wouldn’t have gotten a medal at all.
Now, certainly, some things take longer to recover from than others. But if you try to get back out there a little faster, it could make a big difference.
2: Improve your attitude
One of the reasons it can be difficult to recover quickly is because mistakes and challenges can make you feel deflated and defeated. You might spend a long time beating yourself up or questioning your decisions that led to this point before you even consider moving ahead.
If this is something you’ve done, you’ll have discovered a painful truth: self-blame and focusing on pain don’t help you recover.
What can help is improving your attitude and mindset. That’s why St. John recommends a First Aid Kid for Your Attitude in her TED Talk.
Instead of band-aids, ointment, and gauze, this first aid kit should have things that will help you push back against the feelings of sadness or despair or the sense of being overwhelmed. The kit should have things that give you some perspective and remind you of good times and people who care about you.
This could include:
- Photos of family and friends
- Videos of fun moments or cute animals
- Mementos from your childhood or great vacations
- Songs that lift your spirits
For example, when I’m feeling down, I often listen to the song Try Everything – and it always helps.
So think about putting together this kind of kit. And then remember to use it.
3: Look for ways to learn
And finally, while dwelling too much on your problems isn’t usually helpful, it is important to consider what you can learn.
If it’s a situation where you’ve made a mistake, be honest about it and consider what you could have done differently. Review those other options a few times, and even imagine doing them, so you’ll be more likely to take one of those alternate paths in the future.
Sometimes, though, challenges are completely out of your control, like experiencing the death of a loved one or getting a frightening medical diagnosis. In those situations, the only thing you can control is how you react, and you may find ways you could improve that in the future.
Learning and growing this way, rather than beating yourself up, is key to resilience.
You might surprise yourself When you start thinking about how you handle challenges and mistakes, you may be inclined to be down on yourself. But if you can look for ways to get up faster, improve your attitude, and learn from the past, you just might surprise yourself at how far you can go.